The beginning of the piece lacked emotion. I felt like it was being read off a paper. I know that poets tend to have awkward pauses, but I personally disliked that. It’s originally used to build up anticipation, for a twist, answer, or surprise, but there wasn’t any. The pace tended to be too fast at times, which seemed jumbled words together. Towards the end, however, I felt Marks pain and began to feel for him. Losing loved ones at a young age is a traumatic experience, especially if they were close. He reveals his pain to the audience with the lines:
“My soul has been leaking through my eyes,” and “I was turned into blank page in a story called
Life.”
Those lines were my favorite within the poem, along with how he cleverly applied parts of some family games to life. Overall, the poem was constructed very well. The figurative language was very known. Your writing technique was strong. The presentation on the other hand wasn’t executed within the same boundaries.
Tips: Slow down a bit when reciting. I know all the words are itching to come out, but if you let them out all at once other words start forming. You want to take your audience on a journey. Not only should they hear how you feel, but they should in theory jump into your skin. You want them to feel your sadness, rage, and emptiness. Once you’ve transferred those emotions through the air waves, you’ll surely have them sitting in your palm, waiting for what’s to come.
By the way, don't let money dictate your worth, because I'll tell you now talent has no price.