First, to the programmers out there... This piece isn't perfect, but you could certainly mix it into an experimental, free-form night-time show. You still have those, don't you? You're not just running the BBC all night, are you? (I don't think, though, that this little essay would work as a "drop-in" to the usual NPR-style cookie-cutter public affairs program.)
Now, to the young person who produced this story...
I really like what you tried to do with this, but here are some unsolicited tips...
You need to work on how you record and then use the sound -- if you are going to be doing a story like this, which is about the sounds you notice (and seek out) as you walk your walk. The sounds you gathered aren't integrated completely into your narration; they kind of drop in and out like they came from a sound-effects collection. And the motorcycles -- they should have really roared by your microphone, just like they do for real when you watch them. Get closer in there, somehow!
Your writing is great. At times, it has the rhythm and raw feel of the Beats. (That's a big compliment.) But you do sound, often, like you're reading, instead of talking. And then, when you are talking, you are half-swallowing your words and almost mumbling.
So, when you're doing your thing with the microphone, don't talk just to yourself. If you're using headphones when recording your voice, turn the volume on them down a lot. That will help you speak up. And speak up! You have something to say, after all! Maybe pretend that you're telling it to a big crowd that's in front of you. Or look into the sky and let the clouds and the spirits hear you. I repeat -- you are someone with things to say -- so let the whole world really hear your words! Don't be shy about it. Your writing has a musical cadence. So, perform like a musician!
I hope you continue to do radio essays like this. I'll look forward to hearing more of them...
Review of Southwest Side Stories: The Jumps
Gary Covino
Posted on February 25, 2006 at 04:34 PM
First, to the programmers out there... This piece isn't perfect, but you could certainly mix it into an experimental, free-form night-time show. You still have those, don't you? You're not just running the BBC all night, are you? (I don't think, though, that this little essay would work as a "drop-in" to the usual NPR-style cookie-cutter public affairs program.)
Now, to the young person who produced this story...
I really like what you tried to do with this, but here are some unsolicited tips...
You need to work on how you record and then use the sound -- if you are going to be doing a story like this, which is about the sounds you notice (and seek out) as you walk your walk. The sounds you gathered aren't integrated completely into your narration; they kind of drop in and out like they came from a sound-effects collection. And the motorcycles -- they should have really roared by your microphone, just like they do for real when you watch them. Get closer in there, somehow!
Your writing is great. At times, it has the rhythm and raw feel of the Beats. (That's a big compliment.) But you do sound, often, like you're reading, instead of talking. And then, when you are talking, you are half-swallowing your words and almost mumbling.
So, when you're doing your thing with the microphone, don't talk just to yourself. If you're using headphones when recording your voice, turn the volume on them down a lot. That will help you speak up. And speak up! You have something to say, after all! Maybe pretend that you're telling it to a big crowd that's in front of you. Or look into the sky and let the clouds and the spirits hear you. I repeat -- you are someone with things to say -- so let the whole world really hear your words! Don't be shy about it. Your writing has a musical cadence. So, perform like a musician!
I hope you continue to do radio essays like this. I'll look forward to hearing more of them...