Posted on February 06, 2006 at 03:42 PM
Your voice is truly amazing it immediately grabbed my attention!!! Your descriptions are fantastic, I closed my eyes and felt with all five sense?s your setting. I felt as if I was going to a secret world, and it was cool!. That way you formatted your piece was creative, you started in a common setting then pulled us through to a secret and unfamiliar place (?some sounds of life?) then brought us back just when we felt lost. Your piece is nice but you have to be careful to not lose your audience in all your descriptions, try to get the main ideals of the setting then quickly and creatively describe, you don?t have to mention everything! Also don?t forget to keep it real, in some parts of your story you used pauses to draw dramatic meaning when it really wasn?t needed. And your voice, you can tell when your being real and when your reading narration! You have to find a way to read you narration as if you were having a conversation with a friend, or someone your open with. Besides that your piece was great, again your voice catches so much attention, use it well!!!