Well-done and entertaining. Good use of location sound effects to make the story sound more "real". This story took guts to make. We recommend this story to any broadcaster looking for a youthful urban perspective.

The content of your story was not bad, but if you cut some parts it would make the story shorter and easier to listen to (maybe use less descriptive words, or in some cases be less detailed?). Most typical radio stories run from three and a half to five minutes long, about the attention span of radio listeners!

Listening, I believe the meat of the story boils down to when you were talking to Jerry Brown one on one. You asked him very good questions. It was cool that you could talk to one of your elected officials and get some straight answers out of ‘em! I liked your reflections at the end in the restaurant. It was a good wrap up for your day and your story.

The reads in the story could be more enthusiastic and natural. I know it’s hard, I just completed my own story trying to get cuts right. My tip for better story telling would be to envision telling your story to one person, say your friend. Sometimes the thought of millions of people hearing your story can be intimidating. Truthfully, the radio or the computer playing your story will usually only have one person listening.

One more thing. What might also help (this is what I do) is to queue up your cuts, and then start your voicing coming out of them. You’ll get the right tone for whatever clip you are coming out of and you’ll get the energy of the clip (say if it’s exciting or even emotional).

By the way, I really like the musical selection all the way through. Nice work guyz!