Transcript for the Piece Audio version of Amanda from New York: Girlfriend

Amanda from Queens, New York: "Girlfriend"
TEENAGE DIARIES
Produced by: Joe Richman All Things Considered (NPR)
4/22/96

Robert Siegel, host: From NPR news this is ATC. I?m Robert Siegel

NOAH ADAMS, Host: And I'm Noah Adams. It is part of the job description for being a teenager that you don't agree with everything your parents do and say. But there are times when those disagreements concern more than just staying out late or being allowed to watch television. As part of our Teenage Diaries series, we gave a tape recorder to Amanda, a teenager growing up in Queens, New York. This is her story.

[outdoor sounds]

AMANDA: We're freezing. OK. Open up that door girls, we need a light--unless you've got one.
1ST YOUNG WOMAN: What about your mom?
AMANDA: What about her?
2ND YOUNG WOMAN: You're going to smoke that rotten cigarette? I mean, I know it's rotten.
AMANDA: I don't give a shh... Who has that cigarette?
1ST YOUNG WOMAN: Me.
AMANDA: Give it to me.

[getting into car]
AMANDA: My name is Amanda, and I'm 17 years old. I live in Queens.

2ND YOUNG WOMAN: Is it bad?
AMANDA: [coughs] Hell yes!
2ND YOUNG WOMAN: Let me try it.
AMANDA: [coughs] Oh God!

AMANDA: Fridays and Saturday nights we just drive around like a bunch of low lifes, looking for things to do.

[music on car radio, driving around]

1ST YOUNG WOMAN: Who are these people? Anybody you know.
2ND YOUNG WOMAN: No.

AMANDA: People think I'm a little on the weird side. But I don't think I'm on the weird side. Basically I wear like a cross between skater clothes and like industrial gothic style. I think it's a neat combination. My parents think I should dress more feminine, but what do they know, right? They grew up back in ancient times.

1ST YOUNG WOMAN: 11:58 and we still haven't found something to do. We're getting kind of desperate.

[music fades]

AMANDA: I guess in a way I've always known that I was bisexual. Just like when I was in the first grade and I used to live like in my old house down on my grandmother's block. All the kids used to be friends and we always used to go into the backyards and play these little games and I remember one day we were playing a game that was kind of like Sleeping Beauty where like the prettiest girl on the block fell asleep on a picnic bench and you know, somebody had to like go and wake her up, to like kiss her and revive her and it would always be one of the boys. And I always felt like I wanted to go and like revive her.

[telephone dialing]

AMANDA: [whisper] Rotary phone.
DAWN: [on phone] Hello?
AMANDA: Dawn? Whatcha doin'?

[conversation fades under]

AMANDA: Been goin' out with Dawn for 2 years and 5 months. We've known each other for practically 3 years. And I am totally, madly, head over heels in love with her.

AMANDA: [to Dawn on phone] I'll probably get you after I'm done. All right, bye-bye. [hangs up] I'm going to see my little baby, my girlfriend. I didn't get a chance to describe her yet so I'm going to do it now. She has long black hair that goes down to the middle of her back. She has brown eyes. You know how they always say there's one particular thing that attracts you to somebody? One thing that stands out that you can grab onto and be totally attracted to that person? About Dawn it's her voice. You could just you could fall in love with her just by listening to her voice.

AMANDA: [yells] Yeah? That's my mother making coffee.

[kitchen sounds, walking around the house]

AMANDA: During the school week it's pretty much boring around my house. It's a Tuesday night and the television's on. Everybody just sits around and does their homework--you know, regular family life--I mean, at least for me. I don't know too much about other families. [Burps] Excuse me. [Walks up stairs] I burp like a fanatic. My mother's always yelling at me: "How are you going to find yourself a man?" There we go again, how are you supposed to find a man? I tell her: "I'm not interested in men, you know?" And she's just, like: "All right, whatever."

[sits down]

AMANDA: [speaking softly] My parents. My parents know that I'm bisexual but they don't talk about it much. My father, my father doesn't talk much at all. My mother, on the other hand--when I first told her [lights cigarette, exhales] and um, she reacted totally crazy.

[kitchen sounds fade in]

MOTHER: It was all against my growing up beliefs. Anyone who was gay or who was lesbian was considered sick.
AMANDA: Sick.
MOTHER: Wasn't accepted in the Catholic church at all. It just wasn't accepted. So I've grown up with that concept all my life. So to hear that you're, that you! Wouldn't that blow your mind?
AMANDA: But now, in like the 20th century where it's like really common to hear that somebody's gay and it's like all over the place.
MOTHER: Well, I think they're trying to make it common but it shouldn't be common. It's not natural. And I've mentioned it to you several times. That is not what God intended. I know in today's world you hear all kinds of TV programs that say oh, this is it, that's it. It still doesn't make it right.
AMANDA: It makes it right if you feel. You don't know this, but how come when I was younger I felt this way?
MOTHER: All girls feel that way.
AMANDA: Since I was in first grade?
MOTHER: Little girls feel that way all the time.
AMANDA: You felt that way too?
MOTHER: Yes. Yes, that's common.
AMANDA: How do you feel about it dad?
FATHER: About what?
AMANDA: How do you feel about me?
FATHER: Fine. What about it?
AMANDA: Sexuality-wise.
FATHER: You're 17 years old. You're, you're not definite. You're not formed in your ways.
MOTHER: Someone at 17 does not know what's at the other end of the line. Anybody.
AMANDA: How do you know?
MOTHER: There's just not enough life--you haven't seen enough, you haven't done enough. You have not lived.
AMANDA: Well over 2 years and 5 months have gone by--
MOTHER: I think if a good fella came by and really treated you right, your mind would switch.
AMANDA: My mind will switch. So, it's all in my mind?
MOTHER: It is. It's all in your mind right now. You can't just say this is how I feel and this is how I'm going to be for the rest of my life--
AMANDA: I'm not saying this is how I'm going to be for the rest of my life and I'm not saying I'm not going to have sex with a guy. I'm saying that I do, I want to go and have sex with a guy--It's not happened yet...
MOTHER: Well, I hope not.
AMANDA: No it's not, but I'm going to. I'm not going to deny myself of that.
MOTHER: Well, that's right. Don't deny yourself of that. You may find when you do that your whole outlook may change.
AMANDA: [getting upset] It's not like this is somebody's decision, they don't know what they want right now. There's--I've been out with guys while I've been going out with Dawn. Dawn's been out with guys while she's been going out with me. I mean, we're so--we're really close and there's like a love there. More for me towards her than her towards me, you know what I mean. But we're with each other.
MOTHER: Well maybe that's just a good friendship. You love friends.
AMANDA: Yeah, but I don't do what I do with Dawn with friends. Do you know what I mean? You don't do what you do with Dad with friends.

[sound fades]
AMANDA: My parents just think that this is like a phase. Like when you know the guys used to get earrings or when they used to wear pony tails when I was little. That was a phase to them. They think that this is a phase, but I don't think it's a phase. [sniffs] I think this is me. [whispers quietly] I don't know what to say. That's how I feel. And it doesn't really bother me. [sniffs] It doesn't bother me.

[music - Cranberries song]

1ST YOUNG WOMAN: Oh is this, this. Oh, I love this song.
2ND YOUNG WOMAN: Did you see the video? The video's cool too.

AMANDA: No matter what anybody is. I don't care, I don't care if you're like half-horse, half-fish, you're proud of what you are. You know? My parents don't dislike me, they just don't agree with me. They don't think it's natural, Which, I understand. I see their point. They grew up in a totally different time. But they're getting used to it. And they're going to have to get used to it, because pretty soon when I bring my wife over to their house to eat dinner with my kids they're just going to be like: OK fine. That's how it's going to be.

[music plays for while, then fades]

NOAH ADAMS, Host: This story was written and recorded by Amanda and produced by Joe Richman for the series Teenage Diaries.

? 1996, Joe Richman

Back