Transcript for the Piece Audio version of Staying Sober; Reinventing Fun

HOST INTRO: For many colleges in the country, this weekend falls in the middle of Spring Break. But for young people in recovery, this is just another weekend of hard earned sobriety. Augsburg College in Minneapolis has one of the country's few on-campus drug and alcohol recovery programs. It's called StepUP. The students don't just stay away from drugs—they have to make grades, go to 12-step meetings, and keep their residence hall clean. The idea is that relapse gets less tempting if recovering students can operate as a community. Weekend America's Hillary Frank brings us the story of one of StepUP's students. He asked us to use only his first name, Sam.

Sam fell into addiction the same way they warned you about in junior high. At 11, he and his friends were sneaking beers from their parents’ fridges. At 13, he started smoking marijuana with the older kids next door, then by himself before school. And at 17 . . . that’s when things really escalated. Sam was at his friend’s house playing video games.

Sam: Like, that was all we wanted to do, y’know, playing Halo until our thumbs were sore. So one day my friend had some powdered cocaine. And I was kinda looking at it like, I know it’s bad, but when I see it right there, it looks pretty harmless to me. And we all decided, let’s all take our first bump. And as soon as that powder went up my nose, it was just like, this is what God wanted for me.

Sam picked Augsburg College because it was near his dealer. He helped other kids get the kinds of drugs they wanted.

Sam: I’m a big deal. That’s really what I thought. You know, going out with the other jocks . . . we’re gonna grunt and do keg stands.

I wanted to see what Sam’s old jock parties were like. So on a Friday night I headed to a house off campus, where I was told some Augsburg football players lived. [party ambi under] The scene was pretty much what I remember of frat parties, back when I was in college. Some girls in the living room were dancing . . . and eventually falling over. Around them were some guys on couches, totally zoning out. A scrawny guy came up to me with an Absolut Citron bottle and offered me a “pull.” [up on HF: “A pull?”] Another kid put his arm around me and the football dudes pried him off, then tried to boot him out. [up on fight ambi...fade party under]

The next day I met up with Sam again.

Hillary: WHERE WOULD YOU HAVE FALLEN INTO THAT MIX IF YOU WERE AT THAT PARTY?

Sam: Hm, I mean, y’know, you talked about the people falling over on the dance floor, the people sitting on the couch, the people throwing their arm around you. That could’ve very well been me in all those situations.

At first glance, Sam back in his drinking days might look exactly like your average college binge drinker. But there’s a big difference between an addict and a non-addict, or “normie,” as the addiction community calls them. A normie can walk away from a substance at any time, with no symptoms of withdrawal. But an addict keeps needing more. By sophomore year Sam was into prescription drugs like Vicodin and Adderall. He was doing poorly in school. But he perked up in his psychology class when his teacher brought up a certain concept.

Sam: T.he concept of state dependent learning.

Basically, that means if you learn something when you’re intoxicated, you’ll remember it better when you’re intoxicated. So Sam raised his hand and asked . . .

Sam: Wait, so does that mean if I study when I’m drunk I should take the test drunk?

Sam did a little research and decided, Yes, that’s exactly what it means.

Sam: And then I just . . . I went nuts with Adderall. Like, it’s like, Oh, I don’t need to sleep anymore. Oh, I can type 10-page papers the night before. It also enabled me to smoke copious amounts of marijuana, which I wouldn’t have been able to do before because I would’ve just fallen asleep.

And then . . . something happened that turned Sam’s life around.

Sam: Play Station 3 came out.

That’s right, Play Station 3. There were some students at Augsburg offering people $250 to camp out at Best Buy and wait for the systems to arrive . . . for three days.

Sam: It was in November, it was just freezing cold.

The thing Sam hadn’t counted on was the first 20 people in line being in StepUP, Augsburg’s addiction recovery program. He was afraid they’d try and brainwash him.

Sam: I’d go on little walks by myself and come back just red-eyed. Or I would down a bottle out of like a Pepsi bottle. And one of them did tell me nonchalantly, Everyone knows you’re high. And I’m like, What’re you talking about, I’m not. He’s like, Dude, don’t worry about it, no one cares. And for me to be completely miserable and see all these people. They would have barbeques. It was basically a vacation from school. And I realized, These people are just like me—they’re addicts and they’re sober and they’re loving life.

A couple months later, Sam went to the StepUP office. The director told him he’d need six months of sobriety before he could join the program. That meant another semester of living with his jock friends.

Sam: I’d wake up and smell pot. Beer cans everywhere. Obviously someone puked in my sink. People just lying half naked on the floor.

Sam was appalled. But if this wasn’t how he was going to spend his free time, what would he do instead? His new buddies in StepUP gave him some advice. For starters, they said, Don’t hang out in your room.

Sam: It’s like, well where else would I be? It’s like, oh yeah, the college has a library—I’ve never been there before.

Sam spent a lot of time in the library. And getting tutored by teachers. Remember state dependent learning? Sam had been intoxicated when he’d learned how to be a college student, even a high school student. Reading, writing, studying—he had to relearn all of it sober. He says his proofreading skills still aren’t where they used to be when he was high.

Hillary: HAVE YOUR MUSICAL TASTES CHANGED?

Sam: Oh, yes. I mean, it’s kinda nerdy, but I’m very much into classical music.

[music: Sam playing “Moonlight Sonata”]

When Sam got sober, he got a job stacking dishes in the school cafeteria. After work, he’d go over to the out-of-tune baby grand in the dining hall. That’s actually him playing “Moonlight Sonata.” The way he taught himself to play it is pretty remarkable. He’d put one ear on top of the piano, have an earphone from his iPod in the other. This sort of thing would’ve completely embarrassed the old Sam. But that’s true of pretty much everything the new Sam does for fun. His biggest love these days? Theatre.

Same: It’s just like, I can’t get enough of it.

He especially likes tragedies, like Chekov’s The Seagull.

Sam: I was depressed into my toes in that show. And it’s just like, there’s this powerful, powerful feeling that brings me right back to the most wretched times in my life.

Sam knows it sounds strange to say that he loves tragedies because they make him feel so horrible.

Sam: But at the same time? Y’know, to see the curtain fall, the lights to black out. It’s just an instant sense of relief. Y’know, it’s a beautiful reminder that that’s not my life anymore.

In Minneapolis, I’m Hillary Frank, for Weekend America.

[out on Sam playing “Moonlight Sonata”]

BACK ANNOUNCE: Sam has been sober now for almost 15 months. He spends his weekends working as an usher at the Guthrie Theatre.

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