Transcript for the Piece Audio version of Hollywood Washington

INTRO: Producer Richard Paul’s wife put up a cartoon on their refrigerator. There's a movie theater. And on the screen it says "Caution: Applying logic and plausibility to movies will only annoy you and those around you. Just let it go.” Richard finds he can’t do that. Especially when a movies subject is the city he’s worked in for 25 years, Washington, DC.

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So there’s this place called Washington, DC. Capitol of one of the larger countries in North America. Maybe you know something about it.

[MONTAGE]:

MOVIE – Legally Blonde 2
WOMAN: “The people believe what we tell them to believe.”

[FADE TO]
MOVIE – The Distinguished Gentleman
MAN 1: “I’m thinking of retiring from congress.
MAN 2: You can retire. You just promised all these people you were gonna run again.
MAN 1: That was a political promise. (chuckles) you know better than to believe that.”

[FADE TO]
TV SHOW – The West Wing
WOMAN: “So you lied to me just then?
MAN: I’m a politician, Ainsley, of course I lied to you just then.”

Nah. You probably don’t know anything about it. And we both know why. Don’t you have this sneaking suspicion that most of us actually get our news, especially about the government from watching West Wing or at the movies.

MOVIE – Legally Blonde 2
REESE WITHERSPOON: “Wow. This is just like on C-SPAN. Except I’m not bored!”

So consider this a primer. On the difference between “real Washington” and Hollywood-Washington. In the Hollywood-Washington, a Congressional hearing sounds like this

MOVIE – The Distinguished Gentlemen
MAN 1: “Dammit sir, you are out of order
MAN 2: Hey, hey, hey-hey-hey-hey to hell with order. The truth is gonna come out here today. Alright?
MAN 1: (yelling) You want the truth? Here’s the truth Congressman. The man you see before you is nothing but a common criminal!”

In the real Washington, it sounds like this

TV - C-SPAN
WOMAN: “If there were to be an adverse-event reporting requirement, it would be important for it to contain at least the protections applicable to other FDA-regulated categories, including prescription drugs.”

In the Hollywood-Washington people at the Pentagon sound like this.

MOVIE – J.F.K.
“DONALD SOUTHERLAND: I could give you a false name, but I won’t. Just call me ‘X’”

In real Washington you have The Deputy Assistant Secretary for Management Policy and Program Integration in the Department of the Air Force. And believe me, she never says "Call me Mr. X." I’ve become one of those guys like my dad who screams at the TV set when I see things that are patently false and that I know something about ….. I find myself asking: WHO is writing these scripts? And what do they know about Washington!?

KONDELL: “Everything I knew was from my 6th grade field trip to Washington, DC up until that point (chuckles)”

That’s Kate Kondell (kon-DELL). She wrote the screenplay for Legally Blonde Two: Red, White and Blonde where a smart “dumb blonde” single-handed changes the culture of Washington and which …. As you know because you saw it with your granddaughter …. Is set in a Congressional office.

MOVIE – Legally Blonde 2
“WOMAN: Oh my gosh, a job with a brilliant congresswoman who’s also a fellow Harvard alum!
MAN: You’re gonna do great Elle.”
[fade and leave under]

KONDELL: “Doing a political movie but as Legally Blonde 2? I mean you're already dealing with something that isn't meant to be The West Wing or an expose on Washington. It's a backdrop for getting in the most out of the fish-out-of-water concept of the movie.”

At least on West Wing it’s CLOSE to real. You know there’s someone writing it whose knowledge of legislative procedure goes beyond the level of Schoolhouse Rock. Some of these movies are SO wrong.

MOVIE – Legally Blonde 2
“WOMAN: As our newest legislative assistant will soon be spearheading a campaign under your committee, I’m sure she’d love the floor. Thus I yield to my colleague the Lady in Hot Pink.”

But admit it, you know as much about what goes on in an Appropriations mark-up as you do about nuclear energy. Which is why you might be inclined to believe the way nuclear power is portrayed in The China Syndrome or the way the power of corruption is portrayed in the Eddie Murphy Movie The Distinguished Gentleman

MOVIE – The Distinguished Gentleman
CONGRESSMAN: “This town, it isn’t about passing laws anymore. It isn’t about doing good anymore. All it’s about is being here.”

The Distinguished Gentleman is a deeply cynical movie. So it won’t surprise you to learn that the man who wrote it, Marty Kaplan is pretty cynical himself.

KAPLAN: “I’m afraid (chuckles) a certain amount of experience in Washington and in Hollywood leads me to believe that my cynicism doesn’t fall from the sky. It’s deeply routed in daily practice.”

Kaplan, worked for Walter Mondale when Mondale was vice president. After his guy lost 49 states and his ideology was pushed to the back burner within his own party, he moved to Hollywood. He says the towns are two sides of the same coin.

KAPLAN: “Power in Hollywood is about incumbency. That’s also what it’s about in Washington. The point of power is to stay in power. It’s not to make the world a better place, or to leave a legacy or to empower artists. The point is to stay in your job or move higher.”

Now I worked in the U.S. Senate for years. And that’s not what I saw. I sat in committee rooms and offices while Bob Dole and Ted Kennedy and Strom Thurmond and a bunch of people you HAVEN’T heard of hashed out legislation and did it because they really cared.

KAPLAN: “I think the point of power in Washington and in Hollywood is to retain it. it’s not to use it toward a particular end.”

No. they DO use it toward a particular end. Think about it. The people you hate in Washington …. You don’t hate them because they say one thing and do another. You hate them because they DO the very things they say they’ll do – Like open up the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge to oil drilling, or let Gays in the military.

And there’s one last gripe I have: and it goes all the way back to Mr. Smith Goes To Washington – Why is it that in Washington movies, change always comes from the outside? Like this scene in Kate Kondell’s movie where Reese Witherspoon’s character tells her Congresswoman boss that she came “to speak for those who can’t speak for themselves”

MOVIE – Legally Blonde 2
“SALLY FIELD: You can’t get the people to care.
REESE WITHERSPOON: Watch me.
[dramatic music]”
[fade and leave under]

KONDELL: “The power of this country is supposed to be in the hands of the People. What democracy's supposed to be about. It's in the hands of the people.”

Yeah, well, actually that’s NOT what the founders wanted. Don’t take my word for it. Here it is from someone you trust – President Martin Sheen.

TV SHOW – The West Wing
“PRESIDENT BARTLETT: We forget: It’s not a Democracy, it’s a Republic. The People don’t make the decisions. They CHOOSE the people who make the decisions.”

I’m telling you this because I believe you CAN handle the truth. Hey, I’m from Washington. Would I lie to you?

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