Transcript for the Piece Audio version of Life In A Dream, Life On Film

Jeremiah is the only person I know who can gush, I mean really gush, about his mom.

D1T9: My mother is like a saint, sort of. She is a perfect woman, in every way, as far as I?m concerned. Like, I just want to be around her.

It borders on diagnosable.

D2T12: I think everything I?ve done in my life is to please my mom. Ultimately is to make her proud. That?s all I want which is funny because now I?m exposing her whole world. I think she?s proud, but she?s scared, too.

When Jeremiah was nineteen--just starting out--his mom said, ?Make a movie about your father.? His dad is Isaiah Zagar: a famous muralist in Philadelphia. He?s been documented constantly. Jeremiah hated the idea?but he made a deal with himself: he would do it differently. A portrait of what it was really like to be--and live with--an artist. Total exposure. His parents were up for it.

A1T56: They?re about that. They?re about that. Some people aren?t. Some people are private. They?re not private.

Jeremiah spends the next three years shooting. He films his father working on his murals, teaching workshops, at family parties and funerals. Simple things, too. Like going out for breakfast. (Waitress: Coffee, Isaiah? ambi continues under?) One morning Jeremiah and his Dad are at the deli when ?total exposure? hits home. (?and back I: Two large orange juice.)

Isaiah starts talking about problems that he and Jeremiah?s mom are having.

FILM CLIP D3T22: I: As people get older they have less and less passion. It?s a problem. It?s a big problem. So, what does someone do? I don?t know. I don?t know what others have done.

J: What do you do?

I: I find someone who has passion.

J: And who?s that for you?

I: My assistant.

(Jer clear throat)

I: ahem, ahem. (laugh)

On camera. Just like that. Isaiah reveals he?s been having an affair for over three years. Jeremiah?s mom walks in and Isaiah tells her that he?s been having an affair. Jeremiah?s floored. They all leave the deli. His mom disintegrates. This is total exposure:

FILM CLIP D3T28: (music) (scream) I want to vomit. (scream) I had a liar right next to me on the bed every night, putting his arms around me. Not getting any feeling.

D2T25: That was the worst. Period. Seeing my mom unhappy was the worst.

But he keeps shooting. He shoots for sixteen hours straight that day.

M1T41: You have these two mixed emotions: You?re thinking, this is unbelievable, but it?s my mother screaming at the top of her lungs and crying. You want it, but you?re like, this is private ? and this is gross ? and me getting pleasure out of shooting this is gross. I feel filthy and I feel removed and I feel out of the world. I feel out of life.

Julia kicks Isaiah out of the house. She changes the locks and Isaiah holes up at his studio -- still with his assistant. Jeremiah is furious with his Dad. He can?t take it.

D3T26: I based my whole life on the love of my parents and the strength of family and all of a sudden my father says, there is no strength in family there is no strength in love.

Turns out, his Dad couldn?t take it either.

FILM CLIP: (music and phone message) Hey Jer, It?s your Dad. I think it?s all over. I think it?s all over. I just don?t have the courage to find my way through this. Not, not to kill myself. I think I have to be institutionalized. That?s what I think. (sigh) okay. Bye.

Jeremiah runs home to help his dad at his most vulnerable. Isaiah not only asks Jeremiah to help admit him to a mental institution, but he hands over his entire financial life. And if that weren?t enough,

And he says, Jeremiah, I am too weak to break up with this woman, you have to do it, you have to break up with this woman for me. Did I ever tell you this?

LO: What?

So, he said you have to do it with me, for me.

It sounds completely crazy, but Jeremiah seeing his father in distress, couldn?t possibly turn away.

D3T26: In order for me to feel like a person strong enough to take care of anything, somehow that was the first step. Somehow a big step.

They meet Isaiah?s assistant at the studio. Jeremiah remembers feeling like his father?s lawyer and this woman being served a subpoena she never saw coming. Isaiah couldn?t even look at her.

D2T16: So she starts to talk to me. But I look at her and I look at him and I say, okay, Dad, and I pick him up by his arm and start to take him out. And she can?t believe it?s happening. She starts to shake, then she starts to scream, and cry.

After the breakup, Isaiah and Julia slowly get back together, they renew their vows and continue to duke it out in couple?s therapy. Almost three years later they seem alright.

(film projector sounds)

There?s one part of the movie that makes me cry every time I?ve see it. (peek it up) It is not the most dramatic footage. It?s just Isaiah, looking straight into the camera. He explains, the real measure of a relationship is never the good times, it?s always the absolute worst?

FILM CLIP D3T13: (film projector sounds)

I: but through the wars, too. It?s always through the wars. I mean, if you think that couples live in peace and harmony their whole lives and they?re really going some place, they are space travelers, no they?re already quietly murdered. (Jer: quiet laugh) Julia and I are space travelers.

Julia and Isaiah are space travelers. They?re exploring as much emotional terrain as they can: at peace and through the wars. Jeremiah?s been through the wars with them - as a result they have a closeness that is so sweet, a closeness I crave. Jeremiah craves something else.

I have this reoccurring fantasy of me in the middle of a lake and clouds are just passing over my head. D4T15: I want away from everything. I want to be alone. I want to be staring at clouds. I don?t want to be able to contact anybody. It sort of like I want to be on the moon, jumping on the moon, but my moon is a lake and clouds. I want to be, like, Buzz Aldrin in British Columbia.

(laugh)

D4T21: I know that what I believe in can cause pain? We all know family causes pain. We also have to hope and believe that family means something. It?s not just my pain, it?s also my hope.

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