Transcript for the Piece Audio version of See Me Feel Me Touch Me Shave Me

I learned from a recent New Yorker profile of a New Jersey barber that barbering will soon be a thing of the past – you know, the red and white striped barber’s pole, the electric razor, the phlegmatic man in white.

It’s hard to find a barber shop these days. Salons, yes, stylists, yes, beauty parlors, you bet, but a neighborhood joint where people hang out, read the paper, and watch the locks pile up on the floor…

Those days, despite the success of BARBERSHOP and BARBERSHOP 2, and the transformation of Ice Cube from gangsta thug to bankable family fare movie star, are gone. Where are the Allman Brothers fans going to go to maintain their mullets? Where are the guidos and fancy boys going to get their DAs, their fades, their buzz cuts, and flat tops with a fender?

And shoe shines. Remember shoe shines? Well, to be frank, I’ve never had my shoes shined in my life, I do it myself, or do without, but still it’s nice to think that there’s still an urban world out there where barbers, shoeshine boys, newshawks, nighthawks at the diner, and gypsy hacks, not only still exist, but thrive. Not to mention shills, shopgirls, showgirls, touts, gunsels, gun molls, divas, moguls, tycoons, ventriloquists, singing cowboys, illusionists, song and dance men, high rollers, slumming playboys, and gold diggers.

I miss those times, and I never even tasted them.

Well, I used to go to a barbershop in LA. It was great. Run by this Latino guy, who dressed like a pharmacist – the next thing to go, mark my words – with a relentlessly western décor. Pictures of John Wayne. Stuffed armadillos. Chaps mounted on the wall. Bleached cow skulls.

I asked the barber once if he was a big westerns fan.

He looked puzzled and said, “No. Why do you ask?”

Well, I indicated irritatedly, the décor. The décor.

He shrugged. “Just something to bring in the customers,” he said.

Well, it worked for me. And at least we still have sky grifters. As a matter of fact, I think they run the world.

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