The story was funny, I have to admit. The weakness of this piece lies in its random use of Indian music. To most everyone else, the music would be unrecognizable. However, I recognized the music immediately and thought of "Gangster", the Bollywood movie in which the song was featured. The song has nothing to do with what you're saying, so it was difficult to see why there was such a contrast in that aspect. The random trance/techno beat near the end was equally awkward. However, if you had left the piece with simply your voice, I would've laughed much more. Your voice seemed like you were gritting your teeth and telling the story, which made it more funny. A lot of people may not like the monotone apparent in your voice, but that's like saying Ira Glass' staccato speech is offensive. In any case, I think the best way to improve this is to simply remove all the sound. In addition, perhaps putting an intro the piece, perhaps with not your voice but Farheen's or someone else, might let the listener figure out what's going on. I realize that this was with strict time constraints and it can't be perfect, but nonetheless, this has the potential to be a bit better.