Transcript for the Piece Audio version of What does "Looking Latino" mean?

What is it like to be Hispanic and not look Hispanic? There are many ideas about what a Latino looks like but the reality is not everyone fits into those categories. For fair-skinned people like commentator Kristen Villegas, looks get in the way of who they are.

IT IS THE MOST UNCOMFORTABLE FEELING IN THE WORLD. WALKING INTO A ROOM AND KNOWING THAT IMMEDIATELY ALL EYES ARE ON YOU THINKING THE SAME THING- "WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE?"

I GUESS IT'S A PRETTY LOGICAL QUESTION. IF I SAW A WHITE GIRL WITH RED HAIR WALK INTO A MEETING OF MEXICAN AMERICANS I'D ALSO WONDER WHAT SHE WAS DOING THERE.

PEOPLE HAVE ALWAYS LOOKED AT ME DIFFERENTLY. I REMEMBER WALKING DOWN A STREET NEAR MAZATLAN, MEXICO WHERE MY FATHER IS FROM, FEELING ALL THOSE EYES SCRUTINIZING ME. MAYBE THEY WERE LOOKING AT HIM, WITH HIS DARK SKIN AND DARK HAIR- UNDOUBTEDLY ONE OF THEM. BUT IN MY THOUGHTS, I ALWAYS REMEMBER THEM STARING AT ME, THE LITTLE RED HEADED GRINGA WITH HER MEXICAN DADDY.

I UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE ACT SO CONFUSED WHEN THEY SEE ME: THEIR IDEA OF A STEREOTYPICAL "LATINO" IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FROM WHAT I AM.

NAT 1: Fade up street sounds and keep under until "but then there are?"

ON THE STREETS OF NEW YORK, THE PERCEPTIONS OF MEXICANS ARE PRETTY TYPICAL?

Act 1: Diane 1: somewhat darker coloring, and usually shorter
Act 2:Benjamin 1: It's nice people, I don't know.
Act 3: Jim 1: Black, beautiful, shiny hair, straight
Act 4: Jim 2: very dark brown almost black eyes

BUT THEN THERE ARE PEOPLE LIKE MY BROTHER AND ME, WHO BREAK THE MOLD OF WHAT LATINOS USUALLY LOOK LIKE.

MY BROTHER ANTONIO JORGE WILLIAM, IS A 19 YEAR OLD WHO WORKS AS A COOK IN A RESTAURANT, JUST LIKE MY DAD DID WHEN HE FIRST CAME TO THE US. "A.J." AS WE CALL HIM, IS SLIGHTLY DARKER THAN I AM ALTHOUGH THAT'S NOT SAYING MUCH. HIS SPANISH IS GREAT, BUT HE HAD A HARD TIME FITTING IN WITH THE OTHER MEXICAN COOKS BECAUSE HE LOOKS WHITE. AFTER WORKING FOR A MONTH OR SO, HE'S FINALLY FEELING ACCEPTED INTO THEIR GROUP.

MY BROTHER IS VERY SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT HIS APPARENT "WHITENESS" BECAUSE HE DOES EVERYTHING HE POSSIBLY CAN TO MAKE HIMSELF APPEAR MORE "MEXICAN" ON THE OUTSIDE. FOR EXAMPLE- HE HAS AN AIR FRESHENER WITH A PICTURE OF OUR LADY OF GUADALUPE HANGING FROM THE REAR VIEW MIRROR IN HIS CAR. HE LISTENS TO SPANISH MUSIC AND READS NEWSPAPERS IN SPANISH. HIS FAVORITE SHOW IS "100 MEXICANOS DIJERON" WHICH IS THE SPANISH VERSION OF "FAMILY FEUD." HIS WISH IS TO SOMEDAY GO TO MEXICO AND WORK IN THE FIELDS LIKE OUR FATHER AND UNCLES. I THINK HE IS TRYING TO MAKE UP FOR SOMETHING HE THINKS HE LACKS- AND SO AM I. MY AUNTS HAVE ALWAYS WORKED AS MAIDS IN HOTELS AND NOW I AM WORKING AS ONE IN A SMALL BED AND BREAKFAST NEAR MY SCHOOL. I KNOW MY PARENTS THINK I SHOULD GET ANOTHER JOB BUT SOMETHING ABOUT ME WORKING THERE MAKES ME FEEL MORE IN TOUCH WITH THE MEXICAN SIDE OF MY FAMILY.

IT'S HARD TRYING TO FIT IN WITH THEM, BUT IT'S EVEN WORSE TRYING TO EXPLAIN WHO I AM TO AMERICANS. I WANT TO BE TRUE TO MY HERITAGE BUT I OFTEN END UP BEING RIDICULED WHEN I AM AROUND OTHER, MORE "AUTHENTIC-LOOKING" MEXICAN AMERICANS. WHEN I FIRST WENT AWAY TO COLLEGE I WANTED TO JOIN THE LATINA SORORITY ON CAMPUS. WHEN I WENT TO INQUIRE ABOUT IT, THE WOMAN AT THE FRONT DESK SAID, "YOU DO KNOW THAT WE ARE A PREDOMINATELY LATINA SORORITY, DON'T YOU?" RATHER THAN EXPLAINING TO HER WHO I REALLY WAS, I GAVE INTO THE STEREOTYPE AND WALKED AWAY.

IT SEEMS LIKE I AM ALWAYS TRYING TO FIT IN WITH ONE GROUP OR ANOTHER. I'M NOT FULLY MEXICAN AND I'M NOT FULLY AMERICAN. I'M BOTH, SO WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I'M NOT ALLOWED TO CLAIM EITHER AS MY OWN.

I CAN'T CHANGE THE WAY I LOOK, OR THE WAY PEOPLE REACT WHEN THEY SEE ME. ALL I CAN DO IS LEARN TO LIVE IN MY OWN SKIN AND BE COMFORTABLE. IF I CAN ACCEPT MYSELF FOR WHO I AM, OTHERS WILL TOO.

FOR RADIO ONDAS, I'M KRISTEN VILLEGAS.