Transcript for the Piece Audio version of After the Dumpster

MELODIE?S LIFE, LIKE HER HOUSE, IS COMPLICATED. HER STUDIO APARTMENT IS SO FULL OF STUFF THAT THE ONLY PLACE TO SIT IS THE TOILET SEAT. SHE SLEEPS ON A MAT IN A CLEARING BY THE FRONT DOOR. IT?S THE ONLY FLOOR SPACE LARGE ENOUGH FOR HER TO STRETCH OUT. HER BATHTUB IS PILED HIGH WITH BAGS OF CLOTHES, AND SHE HASN?T TAKEN A SHOWER AT HOME FOR YEARS.

I RECORDED 35 HOURS OF TAPE WITH MELODIE; IN THIS 10 MINUTE PIECE, YOU?LL ONLY HEAR ABOUT SOME OF HER COMPLICATIONS. I CAN ONLY HOPE TO TELL YOU A FRACTION OF HER POSSESSIONS, HER HISTORY, HER STRUGGLES. TAKE THIS SLICE AND MULTIPLY BY 100, AND PERHAPS YOU?LL HAVE AN IDEA OF WHAT SHE FACES.

Melodie: This is my glitter notebook! I have six pages of glitter. These ones are sequins, big, colorful; silver stars, big; silver stars, small?

(fade Melodie?s cataloging down and under narration, then gradually out before next actuality)

MELODIE HAS A COMPLEX MIX OF PROBLEMS THAT CREATE THE ?PERFECT STORM? FOR HER HOARDING CONDITION. SHE HAS OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER, WHICH IS COMMON AMONG PEOPLE WHO HOARD. SHE ALSO HAS ATTENTION DEFICIT DISOSRDER, WHICH MAKES IT HARD FOR HER TO STAY FOCUSED ON A TASK. MELODIE ALSO HAS ANOTHER COMPLICATION, WHICH BEGAN WHEN SHE WAS TWO YEARS OLD AND HER PARENTS PUT HER ON THE TOP BUNK BED.

VII:1:46 (Melodie) And I was told, ?Don?t sleep close to the edge!? ? I remember waking up as I was falling.

VII:1:47 (Melodie) It wasn?t until 1997 that I had a brain scan that showed this left temporal lobe brain injury? And then one or two years after that, I was on the phone talking with my mom about the brain injury, and she said, ?Oh, well, you know, you did have a concussion.? I?m like, ?I did??

Fade up VII:1:13 (0:28) Good metallic sound of it coming out and going back in. Helps to illustrate how many she has.

(0:40) She fiddles with a bunch of metallic measuring cups?makes a sound like a musical instrument.

Then fade down and under:

VII:1:12 (MELODIE) I've got hanging on here?like all the cup measurers, spatulas-- Measuring spoon, measuring spoon, measuring spoon, measuring spoon. Lots of measuring spoons.

(fade tinkling sound of kitchen utensils down and under, then out)

VII:1:50 (Melodie) ?The hoarding kicked in in my teens? I would be walking along, and something on the ground would catch my eye. You know, like, if somebody dropped an earring, or if somebody dropped a piece of jewelry?I would pick it up and put it in my pocket?

VII:1:59 ? It was a very gradual, gradual process. But at some point, it?it crossed some other line. Meaning, like, you can be fat for a while, but then one day you're obese.

Fade up sounds of picking our way through the goat trail.

WHENEVER I VIST HER, MELODIE LEADS ME DOWN A FOOT-WIDE PATH THAT LOOKS LIKE A GOAT TRAIL.

Sounds of Melodie shoving piles of papers aside, exclaiming ?Stay!?

WE PICK OUR WAY OVER KNEE-HIGH STACKS OF PAPERS.

Melodie: See, it wants to roll over. You give them the stay command, and they just keep rolling over.

Fade rustling noises down and out.

TALL SHELVING UNITS LINE EVERY WALL. THEY REACH ALMOST TO THE CEILING, AND BOXES COVER EVERY SQUARE INCH. STANDING IN A DARK, NARROW AISLE BETWEEN SHELVES, I FEEL LIKE I?M STANDING IN A SHADOWY ALLEY, PEERING UP AT SKYSCRAPERS.

MELODIE HAS DEVELOPED SOME INNOVATIVE WAYS TO ACCOMMODATE HER DISABILITIES. SHE ONCE HAD A LARGE COUCH THAT SHE ENDED UP USING AS A SHELVING UNIT, EVEN THOUGH SHE KNEW IT WAS A TOTALLY INEFFICIENT USE OF SPACE. SHE JUST COULDN?T BRING HERSELF TO GET RID OF IT.

(Fade up ambi of Melodie moving some of her stuff around; run this under the following actualities)

II:1:6 Melodie: What I did was, I cut a swatch of the fabric from the back side of the couch, and I stapled it to a 3x5 card, and then I wrote down all the information about it??7? couch, reduced to 3x5 card?? Within about an hour, I got the saw out, I disassembled the whole thing, and I hauled the whole thing down out onto the street.

MELODIE USED THIS TECHNIQUE ON SOME OF HER OTHER THINGS, TOO. SHE HAD 75 PAIRS OF PANTS THAT SHE HARDLY EVER WORE.

II:1:15 (Melodie): So I took a belt loop from each pair of pants, and I stapled it to a 3x5 card?

II:1:25 Melodie: The process of paring down was, like, really, really hard, because I don?t want to ever get rid of anything. Like right now, (in her ironic melodramatic voice) I?m stroking fondly this little swatch, and I?m like, ?Oh, I remember those pants, like it was yesterday!? (laughs) Okay!

(Fade up brief ambi of Melodie taking index cards out of a Ziploc bag.)

II:1:39 Melodie: Um?and then, like, here?s just a list of stuff. This friend of mine, who is no longer with us ? (sighs) ? She had this little?? Six-sided food container. And while she was alive, I remember putting stuff in it, and setting it by her bed on many occasions. And so then after she was no longer with us, I was like completely attached to it. So I just drew the shape of it on a piece of paper, and wrote her name on it. And then that way I was able to get rid of it.

VII:2:7 Melodie: So I?ve been working pretty hard at trying to set things up so I can have some kind of external memory record of (in her ironic voice) who I have been, even though that?s really the stuff I?ve owned, not who I?ve been?

BESIDES THE 3 X 5 CARDS, MELODIE INVENTED OTHER WAYS TO NAVIGATE THE SEA OF CHAOS IN HER APARTMENT. LIKE A LIFE RAFT, SHE CONSTRUCTED A WOODEN LOFT WITH BUILT-IN CUBBYHOLES AND SHELVES TO ORGANIZE ESSENTIALS SUCH AS HER TELEPHONE, IMPORTANT PAPERS, AND MEDICATIONS. BUT ALL AROUND THAT, MELODIE CONTINUED TO ACCUMULATE THINGS?

(Fade up ambi of Melodie rustling plastic bags and putting things into zippered bags)

X:1:49 You know, for years, my landlord would come over, and it would just get to the point where he would see me in the hallway with huge arm loads of stuff. And I'm not going down the stairs, I'm going up the stairs! And, you know, the poor guy is just beside himself?

X:1:50 And he's just saying, "You can't have all that stuff in your apartment! It's a fire hazard. You?ve gotta stop doing this!"

(Fade plastic bag ambi down and out; then fade up ambi of her running her hands over strings of metallic beads and a little cat bell)

MELODIE SAID HER LANDLORD OF 15 YEARS DIDN?T KNOW WHAT TO DO. HE WOUND UP BRINGING THE PROBLEM TO A DISPUTE RESOLUTION ORGANIZATION.

IX:1:62 On one level, it's not a dispute. It's not like I disagree with my landlords about... (laughs) ?No, this is not a fire hazard! No, this is not dangerous! No, I'm not blocking that fire egress exit!? You know, it's not like I want to live this way.

IX:1:63 They kept making fabulous suggestions, like, well, just take everything you own, and throw it out. And by the time they'd suggested things like that for the billionth time, I was literally sobbing uncontrollably.

(Fade ambi down and out)

IX:2:39 I believe that in my landlords? minds, this is something that, you just bite the bullet, you throw everything out, and you start over. And for the problem that I have, that?s the worst thing that you can do, because that?s?that?s like binge dieting. You know, yo-yo dieting? ? It?s like you starve yourself until you can?t stand it, and then you can never maintain your weight when you do that.

MELODIE?S ?BINGE DIET? HAPPENED IN ONE DAY. HER LANDLORD, THE FIRE INSPECTOR, AND ALL THE DIFFERENT AGENCIES THAT WERE HELPING HER ARRANGED FOR A LARGE DUMPSTER TO BE PARKED ON THE STREET OUTSIDE HER APARTMENT.

X:2:73 My landlord? said, "You make sure she gets this loft out of here by Monday, or I'm putting a three-day eviction notice on her door."

XI:2:14 Everybody?s intention was? ?We can?t let this happen. She obviously has no idea how horrible it would be on the street. And we have to save her from herself.?

THAT EFFORT TO ?SAVE? MELODIE ENDED UP WITH THE LOFT AND MANY OF HER POSSESSIONS IN THE DUMPSTER.

X:3:5 All of my cognitive landmarks were demolished?

X:2:77 ? I mean, in two hours, they literally undid years and years of me working on trying to sort, which is one of my weakest areas.

THAT DAY WAS A TURNING POINT IN MELODIE?S LIFE. ALMOST AS IF HER LIFE AFTER THAT WAS ?A.D.???AFTER THE DUMPSTER.?

XI:2:15 That first couple months after the dumpster, I mean, I just started sleeping on the street. Because it was so overwhelmingly distressing to be here.

XI:2:14 I mean, it?s getting so bad here, that it?s almost not going to make a difference if I?m here, or if I?m out on the street.

IT?S BEEN MORE THAN FIVE YEARS SINCE THE DUMPSTER. MELODIE HAS SPENT MOST OF HER TIME SINCE THEN TRYING TO EXPLAIN HER PROBLEM TO SOCIAL WORKERS. SHE KEEPS A THREE-RING BINDER FILLED WITH ARTICLES ABOUT HOARDING AND CLUTTERING, SUPPORT GROUPS, AND DOCUMENTATION OF HER EFFORTS TO CLEAN UP HER APARTMENT.

IF MELODIE WON THE LOTTERY TODAY, SHE SAID SHE?D HIRE A PROFESSIONAL ORGANIZER, BUY A DIGITAL CAMERA, AND GET A FULL-TIME ASSISTANT TO HELP HER CATALOGUE THE THINGS SHE INTENDED TO GET RID OF?LIKE A HIGH-TECH VERSION OF HER 3 X 5 INDEX CARDS.

XI:2:31 It doesn't matter what decision I make. It matters that the decision is remembered by me? If you absolutely think that something absolutely should be thrown out?take a photo! So I can go, "Oh my God, that was so gross, thank you!" (laughs) You know? Because when somebody comes up to me and goes, "I threw out your blah blah blah --" it's like, my memory of it was when it was fresh and brand new? You know, and so I'm not remembering what was thrown out. I'm remembering what it was when I got it.

MELODIE SAYS IF SOME DAY SHE WAS ABLE TO ORGANIZE HER APARTMENT, SHE WOULDN?T HAVE A PROBLEM FINDING THINGS TO DO WITH HER TIME AND ENERGY.

XI:2:40 I keep seeing these clips on the TV from the Katrina disaster?like New Orleans and stuff? ? So like, my idea of a good time would be, like, running over there and, like, helping clean stuff up. Because it?s so much easier to process other people?s things than it is to process your own.

XI:2:41 Not a lot grosses me out. I could be assigned a home that has to be cleared out, or, like, you have to get the icky stuff out? I could go in there and do that, and, like, probably stomach it.

XI:2:42 I mean, I could be actually out there, helping other people? go a little bit further, till they can get the real help that they need.

BUT BEFORE THAT, MELODIE SAYS SHE NEEDS TO GET THAT KIND OF HELP FOR HERSELF.

XI:2:17 If I just keep showing up to my counseling appointments, if I just keep trying to explain to people what my difficulty is, like, maybe I?ll live long enough for someone to get it. It?s a little bit like having cancer, in that you?re trying to live long enough for the cure to be discovered?

IN THE MEANTIME, MELODIE IS STILL WAITING. IN ONE OF OUR LAST INTERVIEWS, SHE SAID SHE?S DEFINITELY LOSING GROUND. THE GOAT TRAIL IS GETTING NARROWER, AND LANDSLIDES OF BOXES AND PAPERS HAVE COVERED IT OVER IN SOME PLACES.

Slowly fade up sounds of Melodie stuffing keys into a plastic container.

AS THE WINTER SUN SETS, A SINGLE FLUORESCENT BULB CASTS A GHOSTLY, HARSH LIGHT ON A CORNER OF THE ROOM WHERE MELODIE SITS ON THE FLOOR.

Melodie: Keys. See, they?re pretty!

SHE?S TRYING TO STUFF HANDFULS OF ANTIQUE KEYS BACK INTO A PLASTIC JAR. THEY ARE KEYS TO DOORS THAT NO LONGER EXIST.

Melodie: Three? four. (She shakes the jar.) (laughs) Okay, now I lost count! Like, I can?t even count up to five before I lose my place. Okay. O?kay! (laughs and empties the jar again.) It?s only funny if it?s not happening to you. Okay. One? two? three?

Fade to zero.

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