Transcript for the Piece Audio version of Heroin
JANESSE: My father?s block is full of memories. When I went over there to find him, it was hot. A fire hydrant was open, and kids were just splashing and playing. I just told myself, "Okay, let's keep it moving. It's time to go upstairs, so we can do this.?
JANESSE: (Knocks on her father's apartment door) I'm at the door.
JANESSE: I stood there for about a half an hour, and he never showed up.
JANESSE: (Knocking.) Pop?
JANESSE: My mom and I don?t always see eye to eye. But we do have one thing in common. Papi.
MOTHER: He betrayed you guys, too. Just like he did Mommy.
JANESSE: I caught my mom in the kitchen while she was cooking chicken and fries.
JANESSE: What was his personality like?
MOTHER: He?s always been a good person?very lovable ? understanding? very attentive.
JANESSE: Basically the kind of person you wouldn?t think one day, they would actually?use drugs.
JANESSE: I can't remember when exactly when it all started . What I do remember is the park we used to play in. There was this gate that was always locked. We had to climb over it to get in. I always had this scare because I hated climbing that gate. I would get laughed at because I was too heavy to push my own weight. But my daddy would come give me a push and I would always make it. And I loved him for that, I loved being daddy's little girl. Maybe that's why my mother didn't tell me about my dad?s drug problem.
MOTHER: I thought you were never going to believe me because your father had you brainwashed.
TRANSCRIPT: WNYC Radio Rookies: Heroin
JANESSE: I remember my father asked me to pee in a vitamin bottle one day. At the time, I didn't know why, I really didn?t want to question him neither. Later I found out it was because he was on drugs and he needed clean pee to prove he was drug-free.
BROTHER, RAPPING IN CAR: Uh! Uh! Uh! Cookin' my spaghetti in the sauce?.!
JANESSE: Now my brother and I try laugh about the situation. We try to act like everything?s all right.
JANESSE: With cheese! With cheese!
BROTHER, IN THE CAR: Cooking my spaghetti in the sauce! Comin' through?.Lookin' at this issue?
JANESSE: With cheese!
JANESSE: Guess what? Omar goes to a military school upstate. We were having a ball in the car on his way back to school. Omar doesn?t see Pop a lot now.
JANESSE: You saw Papi yesterday?
OMAR: Yeah.
JANESSE: And how was he doing?
OMAR: He was all right?you know he was skinny, like you said? He?s probably my size or even a little bit skinnier.
JANESSE: There are times where I don?t want to be seen with him in the street. He looks crazy with his shopping cart full of cans.
JANESSE: But that?s not the only way he gets his money.
ROBERT: He maintains all the buildings on the block.
JANESSE: I ran into my cousin Robert when I went back to find Papi the second time.
ROBERT: He mops all of them.
JANESSE: Wow, he mops all the buildings! (Robert laughs.) Maybe I should bring him to like a career day. ?What do you do?? ?I mop all the buildings.?
JANESSE: Let?s pray somebody?s there. (Knocking on the door.) Pop? I just want to talk!
JANESSE: This time, Papi was there. While he was in the bathroom, I saw his shopping cart.
JANESSE: These are his (rummages through the cans) ? slow down, my goodness. Mistake, I don?t really want to touch it. He got Poland Springs, Pepsi, King Cobra beer?and a square box. It?s kind of stinky so I?m going to walk away now.
JANESSE: When he finally came out of the bathroom, I went at it. I wasted no time.
JANESSE: Hey Pa. (Sighs.) How you feeling?
TRANSCRIPT: WNYC Radio Rookies: Heroin
POP: I?m feeling good.
JANESSE: Are you serious?
POP: Yes.
JANESSE: But you?re, you know, a heroin addict. That makes you feel good?
POP: Yes.
JANESSE: So, how do you feel when I see you like this?
POP: See me like what?
JANESSE: What makes you wanna go out and get cans from the garbage and take it to the supermarket? What makes you want to do that?
POP: Because I have to make money.
JANESSE: But that?s not the only way you can make money.
POP: No? Which other way?
JANESSE: Well you can get clean and get other jobs --
POP: Clean ? I?m dirty? Clean ?
JANESSE: Okay, that?s the wrong word I?m sorry. I mean, you know ?
POP: -- the way I look, dress, the shirt, the pants?
JANESSE: No, no?I?m talking about you doing drugs and thinking it?s okay.
POP: What do you mean okay, thinking it?s okay?
JANEESE: I mean ?
POP: -- it's how I feel.
JANESSE: Yeah, but why you can?t just go into a program, why you gotta keep doing it and doing it, I know it?s addictive, but why you gotta keep doing it?
JANESSE: My plan was to go in there and let Papi know that I love him and I want to help. But I let my anger take over instead.
JANESSE: I visited a drug facility and you can do it, it?s not that you can?t, it?s that you don?t want to do it, that?s the best word, you should say that, you don?t want to do it --
JANESSE: See, I went to see this doctor at Albert Einstein college of medicine to help me understand how heroin addiction works. Dr. Roy Cohen told me a person has to WANT to stop taking drugs to quit.
TRANSCRIPT: WNYC Radio Rookies: Heroin
DR. COHEN: That desire depends on a lot of different things. It depends, for some people, whether they hit rock bottom. And usually hitting rock bottom means losing a job, losing a family getting back an HIV positive test.
POP: I like the drug. You know? Now you don?t want to come, I understand, you know. It hurts me, but what can I say? You supposed to love me no matter what. No matter what, you supposed to love me. You gonna be there or you not gonna be. You know?
JANESSE: If you was healthier, trust me, I be here every day. But I'm not gonna sit here and look at you, knowing that you do it, and not say anything about it. I'm not gonna stay shut, because it's not right. Don't you know this can kill you, does that even, you know --
POP: Anything can kill you, Janesse, anything can kill you.
JANESSE: He had that ?Yeah, whatever? attitude. Finally, I was telling him the truth, and he didn?t want to hear it. So it just ended.
POP: I don?t want to talk about it. I don't wanna talk about it.
JANESSE: So you don?t want to talk to me.
POP: No, it's not like I don't wanna talk to you. I don't wanna talk about it. The drug issue is out.
JANESSE: So that?s it, that's the --
POP: That?s the interview.
JANESSE: Are you mad?
POP: No I am not. (Long silence) The interview is over, alright? For today.
JANESSE: I just stood there for a long time. After all that, like nothing happened, Papi told me he wanted to buy me some cookies. But he didn?t have the money. I never expected him to tell me he didn?t care about what he was doing. That?s when I got angry.
JANESSE: (Crying.) He doesn?t care. And it?s funny 'cause he talks about how he wants to have a normal life. What kind of, what kind of normal life? I?m a go over there to sit down to see him look all high. And then he thinks it?s all right because there?s some 70 year olds, that they still do it and they?re all right. They have a normal life. For him, I got to understand what it?s like. I don?t have time for that shit, I don?t.
JANESSE: You know, my mother, she doesn?t understand why I even try to talk to Papi.
MOTHER: I don't think he should be your first priority.
JANESSE: I?m not making him my number one priority. I?m just taking the time to figure out how to get over his problem. My mother?s father had a drinking problem, and he died years ago. Now, that seems like the only memory she has of him. I don?t want that to happen to me. I don?t want to be too late. I don?t want this?
POP: Anything can kill you Janesse, anything can kill you.
JANESSE: ?to be my last memory of my father.
TRANSCRIPT: WNYC Radio Rookies: Heroin
JANESSE, OMAR, CHILDREN SINGING: Happy birthday to you!
JANESSE: I do want to remember laughing and playing with my brother, while my father videotaped us. Everybody was happy! I do want to remember the day Papi?s mother died, when I was six months old. My mother says he grabbed me, he hugged me so hard, and he didn?t want to let me go. I don?t want to let him go, neither. But I don?t want to go around feeling like it?s my fault anymore. Dr. Cohen says that?s what people like me have to get over.
DR. COHEN: You didn?t cause it. You're not responsible for it?
JANESSE: ??There?s nothing I can do.?
JANESSE: The problem is, I don?t know if I?ll ever really believe that.
For WNYC, I?m Rookie Reporter Janesse.
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