I like the concept of an engineer or a scientist reviewing the declaration. This should be introduced as part of the piece, however. If you remake this piece, please consider introducing yourself and briefly explaining why your views might be unique. And if you feel a parallel between yourself and Jefferson, mention that.

The public at large will not know what an axiom is. Include this.

You go through a bit of detail, never really hinting at what the takeaway is. Something to hint at the ending is great for setting the mode of the listener and grabbing his attention.

The take-away is fun, but required a second listen, partly for the reason above. Partly also because it was expressed as an isolated concept. Try personalizing the take-away. If this message struck you well enough to make you want to do a piece on it, explain something about the impact.